Having my first manic episode was probably the single most positive and life-changing event I have had in my life. During that time, I believed that I would play an integral role in the world by spreading a message of love across the globe. When I mentioned this to my friend's Dad in his kitchen, he reminded me that I was missing an important element: Reality.

Of course, I immediately dismissed his concern as the unrealistic and uninformed opinion of a typical father-type. I had a mission and a purpose and I felt happier than I ever had in my entire life.

Somehow or another, it would work. I believed in Love (which of course was of the variety spelled with a capital "L") and knew that I had the power to spread itaround in a mystical fashion to others who would share my beliefs. If I had belief in my vision, it would happen.

My two attempts to make this happen from my small-town neighborhood involved lipstick, barking dogs, and a late-night walk to nowhere. Neither attempt involved pornography or sex, so get your minds out of the gutter.

Both attempts failed miserably.

Once my mind was more level, I gave up on the idea that it was my personal mission to "Spread my love" to the world. Unfortunately, "love spreading" was not as easy as I had hoped and I reached the conclusion that if I had somehow succeeded in spreading Love afar, I wouldn't know anyway. That doesn't mean that I didn't try or that I have abandonned the notion of Love altogether, just that I have finally scaled my ego down to a more manageable size.

Don't think that the whole love-spreading idea was not for naught. If I hadn't been inspired to spread my love across the globe, I never would have traveled and worked abroad- my life would have been completely different from what it is now. I was inspired to travel abroad by my manic episode. Even though I realized soon after the psychosis was gone how impossible and bizarre some of my ideas sounded, I was able to take apart the basic core of the idea, which was my desire for travel. It took three years before I gained the courage and the right opportunity to go further than the coast I live on, but I did it.

I believe at some level that when we are in a period of mania, there are ideas and beliefs that come from deep within. The hard part comes afterwards when we have to filter through what is true and what is not. Just remember that rock bottom is not rock bottom forever and that it does get easier.

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