Top 5 Most Embarrassing Things I've Thought While Manic
A Confession of Sorts: Some of the Most Embarrassing Things I’ve Thought About While in a State of Utter Mania
1. I was under the (apparently mistaken) impression that once I had experienced the unbelievable joy of feeling euphoria (it must be akin to taking Ecstasy although I sadly missed the whole rave concept), that I had enough experience and/or knowledge to quit my job and make a living from book sales of a self-help book I had yet to write. Needless to say, this did not work out as I had anticipated and I was back at my day job shortly after.
2. I thought an elderly Vampire was stalking me in order to reach my younger and let’s face it, hotter friends, in order that he might be able to either
a. suck their blood
b. convert one of us into a Vampire so that he could have a companion for death or
c. have wild, passionate sex with them in order to make me jealous and crazier.
Again, after two days of worrying about the stalking Vampire, I rejected the idea as a sign of a delusional mind.
3. Believing I had some sort of super-powers (aka, the ability to run at speeds of up to 70 mph), I attempted to jump out of a rapidly-moving station wagon onto the freeway. Thankfully, my Dad, who was driving the vehicle, stopped me from really testing this particular theory out. I guess I’ll never really know if this one is true.
4. Embarrassingly enough, I thought I was leading a revolution for an unknown cause. My co-conspirators were mostly writers (both living and dead) who had “inspired” my thinking to new levels of strangeness. Unfortunately, as none of the writers actually knew me or the details of the revolution, it was doomed to fail before it even started. I recommend that those of you who are in a similar situation to actually have a. a purpose for your revolution and b. know at least one of your co-conspirators.
5. I was given a shot of God knows what in a mental “facility” once in order to “calm me down” (make me fall asleep). Before the shot, I believed that the nice woman (the nurse) was going to kill me, perhaps for my failed revolutionary attempts. Thankfully, unless this is all just a strange dream, I woke up a few hours later and did not get killed.
Comments
thanks
Thanks for having the guts to write about these in public. I'm not at the point where I have the guts to write the embarrassing things I've gone through both in manic and in depressive delusional states. Those who know or remember them don't talk about them, either, thankfully. Just know that I completely understood the mindset that drives these delusions and you are definitely not alone. It's a relief to know I'm not alone, too.
Thank you for your nice
Thank you for your nice reply. For me, part of the hardest part after an episode is separating reality from the delusions and it's always nice to know that I am not alone.
I usually believe that I'm
I usually believe that I'm going to end up becoming a famous painter and writer after i die, so i spend hours and hours painting and writing while i'm manic.
I also once thought that i had figured out the meaning of life and that i had proof of what happens to us after we die. This one was scarry because i actually shared my new insight with people who thought i was nuts. Also, i'm not religious, so after i was pretty embarassed.
I've also spent a lot of time
I've also spent a lot of time painting while manic and as anyone who knows me can attest, my art is not the work of a master. However, I think it's important to continue having a creative outlet for your manic energy, even if you don't consider your work worthwhile later on. It might give you something to build on later when you have more organizational capabilities.
As for believing something that is spiritual in nature, people do it all the time without having to deal with Bipolar Disorder, so don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes the beliefs you have from it can really help you out in ways that you might not expect.