Where do I begin?

Well here I am feeling inspired, creative and so grateful to be here writing a wonderful post to you folks.  I find it ironic that I aimed to enter this site yesterday and it was not working and then on my FB event wall I see this very cool person posted her link today!  Awww...life, don't you love it when things are so meant to be?

It is 1AM and we all know how important it is for us 'bipolars' to get our sleep, nah...I would rather write instead and enjoy the pleasure I get from any form of positive interation, especially when everything connects so perfectly.  I am so reckless nowadayzz...  ;)  It seems to really 'ping and pong' when I am up creating prose or poetry late at night.

I was sitting with my guy tonight and I mentioned how I often feel it is confusing for me to make sense of my diagnosis.  When someone accuses me of being a certain way because of my bipolar-ness, it really makes me roar.  I often think 'Who are you to tell me what I do and don't do because I have a label called bipolar?"  I am who I am because I am who I am!  Get it!  It is difficult for me at times as I often wonder "where does my personality begin, and where does the illness end and begin and so on?"  Where do I begin? 

I have come to the conclusion that we don't know all that much about anything, especially the innerworkings of the brain/mind/? The language we conjure up to attempt to explain the 'something' wrong with someone fails to deliver coherence.  Even in this sentence it makes me dizzy!  We are unaware of how to make dinstictions and when we point to the brain to indicate an illness, it sparks an array of questions?

Is personality affected by what we deem mental illness?  If we subtract what we call an illness, would we then be the way we were 'supposed' to be?  Should I be feeling less and how am I able to love more? 

You say I am sick but then tell me I am a creative genius??  You say I can do anything I want, of course 'she is bipolar!'  You also say I won't be all that much because I have bipolar, and I am not able to do things like travel or hold a job.  Now I have more on my plate than most human beings and you say of crs I can do it, I am bipolar and I can do anything.  You say 'be careful now!'  You are bipolar and could crash and actually probably will crash because you are bipolar.  You say 'Hello, are you bipolar?"  I say "No, I'm Andrea and I have bipolar".

Hmmm...this is fun.  She likes to drink because she is bipolar.  You got me!  Hopefully that is the reason but I quit drinking two years ago despite not knowing, and I bet that is nearly impossible for anyone to do, bipolar or not.  I am not a mad 'genuis', things just run at a faster speed.  It is too powerful a gift for this world to handle and this machine I operate in can't handle it either, so I keep myself 'lithiumized'.  I am grateful the salts from the earth regulate this machine and now I proceed in life with the sane folk.  I guess it is difficult when sanity brings things to a dull roar.  Walk slower, talk slower, but I am happy because I just vibrate between what is normal and what is high, dipping in and out of crappy depression...but I would much rather feel this then go back to 2005 and not be able to taste my food.

Until another post..hey, is there a forum I can chat with other folks on here?  Who made this site anyway?  Congrats on keeping the conversation going!  This is it folks, we are IN A MOVEMENT!  The word 'mental illness'; will have as much shock value as telling you about my new blue shoes from Winners.  Yes, I am a dork!  HUGS!! Sunshine and much love!xo

Bipolar Babe