Manic Episode: Recovery

Yes, I Still Have Bipolar Disorder

Some make light of bipolar disorder and the havoc it can wreak on people's lives, mostly because people can do stupid things when they have bipolar disorder.

I've done some pretty interesting things during my own manic episodes. When I was younger, I usually made fun of my manic episodes as a coping mechanism.
But my last manic episode was not quite nearly as funny.

My recent manic episode was one of the worst that I have ever had. I called it the "Dude I lost my Hat" episode and I'm not referencing the movie with the similar name. It was awful. I'm writing at a public computer now trying to put the pieces of my life back together. And it's going slowly.

I feel like I'm living "Tough Love for People with Bipolar Disorder." To any friends and family members of people with bipolar disorder, I don't recommend the Tough Love approach. Love and support are extremely beneficial to everyone with bipolar disorder. I am sincerely grateful to the family members and friends who remained loyal to me throughout the manic episode.

I really thought that I was done with my bipolar disorder. I had panic attacks and other things, but I thought I was fine until I wasn't. I kept having more sleepness nights and more panic attacks. I got weird. I felt weird. I kept trying to contact my friends and family to get myself admitted to the hospital because I was scared.

And I'm still recovering. This time is taking me much longer because my circumstances are different. I wish I sounded more hopeful. It is not that I'm unhopeful, it's that I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. And, in a way, I can't.

I can't because it's a life-long disease. I've had it for almost twenty years. And it sucks. It's comical sometimes and some moments are fun, but it sucks. My last manic episode was actually a mixed manic episode. Paranoia and mania are extremely scary, especially when they are together. Seriously scary and not fun. At all.

Bipolar disorder won't just go away.

I'm stable now. Exhausted, but weary after dealing with it for so long. My brain hurts. My head hurts. And I'm frustrated with all the shit that I feel just got slapped in my face. There's nothing like a shit sandwich. And there's nothing like bipolar disorder to ruin anyone's day.

I'm not saying that it's easy for friends and family. I'm saying that it's hard. And it's surprisingly even harder for the person who actually has it, which is something that some the majority of people forget.

I hope that anyone who is going through or has gone through similar things shares their experiences here if they feel comfortable to do so. I know that it is a very personal illness and difficult to talk about.

So please feel free to write something and let me know your thoughts or experiences either if you are a person with bipolar disorder or a person who is close to someone with bipolar disorder.

And remember that it is actually therapeutic to write and create as a way to recovery.

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