October 2009

Bipolar Disorder and the Magnetic Pull

In my own Bipolar experiences, I take the pharmaceutical route, mostly because I am absolutely and completely terrified of the consequences of not taking my medication (ie. going batshit crazy, taking off my clothing in inappropriate places, and things like this).  This doesn’t work for everybody and I have had some suggestions from others that perhaps meditation would work (I think this is possible for a maximum of 15 minutes), yoga, or maybe some fish oil. Because I am Bipolar 1, I prefer to do these activities in combination with my meds.

Am I a secret genius because I have Bipolar Disorder?

Despite evidence to the contrary, (intelligence tests and meaningless things like that), I always knew that I was a genius inside. This was confirmed first by my parents who assured me that my inability to tie my own shoes was more due to my own creativity than anything else, and later confirmed by my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.  Seriously, all the geniuses have Bipolar Disorder, right?

Respect The Gift

        After 12 yrs of dealing with BP, I've finally come to terms with the power of BiPolar Disorder. I'd been in denial for a good part of those years, not wanting to let go. Trying to control it. Own it. Make it work. My on again off again love affair w/ drugs and alcohol led me down a path of destruction that was totally avoidable. Yes, I was 'misunderstood', constantly searching for "The Why". I would ride the highs and fightkickscratch through the severe lows. Once the sun peaked through my black cloud of depression, I always allow amnexia to set in. "That wasn't that bad". And off I went. Back to my old ways. I loved when my brain would 'burn'. When I could put a pen to my journal and sizzle. Whether it be a movie premise, business idea, conceptualizing an event or designing a space. Optimistic. Eager to test my limits. Trial and much error. The rage to master.

Bipolar Disorder: Should It Be Kept a Secret?

I was never in the closet with my Bipolar Disorder, mostly due to the fact that I was so crazy the first time I was diagnosed that I needed a medical reason to explain away my behavior. The fact that I called everyone I knew from the mental hospital and told them where I was and sort of why I was there didn’t help either. Luckily, my employer at this time was more than understanding of my absence, and a few days after my hospitilization, I was given a clean bill of health and was back to work.

Life in the Psych Ward

I have been hospitalized three times for my Bipolar Disorder. The psych wards I’ve seen are slightly better than Ken Kesey’s version in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, but not always by much. My last hospitalization was five years ago and I not only met a Nurse Ratched, I felt like Jack Nicholson’s character trying to get free.

I was in for a manic episode, but had calmed down significantly by the time I was committed to the hospital. Though I hadn’t slept in more than 34 hours, and basically wanted to go to the hospital as a place to sleep, my “intake” took, four long, gruelling hours. Any mania that I may have had still lingering had dissipated into a state of wariness and a longing for bed.

Bipolar Disorder and Spirituality

I was 22 years old the first time I went manic and first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It was a relief to know that my particular brand of wackiness had a name.  My pyschiatrist at that time was young and also suffered from bipolar disorder. At one of our first appointments, he asked me if I had experienced any kind of spiritual component during my mania, which was extreme with elements of psychosis. I had, but declined to elaborate because I was shy.

5 Reasons I'm Glad I Have Bipolar Disorder

Being bipolar is not always as fun as people think it is. While you do get the occasional romp of freedom, or the chance to spend your money outrageously, the consequences are always there to face you when you get back to your normal every day self. And, when you're in a depressed state, it's the absolute worst. There's absolutely no worse feeling than being stuck in your pajamas, unable to think clearly or motivate yourself because you are so loaded down with meds that it's impossible to deal with the "real world" in more than small doses.

I have, however, somehow managed to find a few silver linings in the clouds. OK, it's definitely not as easy in the cold, dark rainy days of a Seattle winter, but hopefully I"ll remember my positive thoughts should my thoughts turn dark again.